DonAithnen (donaithnen) wrote,

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Humorously bad ideas

The GameSpot podcast, "The HotSpot," does a homework assignment every week that involves some usually absurd challenge to the fan base. They're usually amusing, but some are more so than others, and the last one i listened to (2009-02-17) was pretty good.

The challenge was "come up with a multiplayer mode for a game that really shouldn't have multiplayer." Mostly for my own amusement i'm going to attempt to transcribe that segment since no one else seems to have done so. It's probably more amusing if you just listen to it though. (It's about one hour and fifty minutes in.)

Warning: it contains a spoiler about Aerith getting killed in FF7. If you don't want to know that she dies you probably shouldn't read below the cut, or listen to the podcast, or talk to anyone about anything video game related ever ;)


I suck at recognizing voices, so i'm guessing at a lot of the attributions. The full cast is: Brendan Sinclair, Tom Magrino, Tom McShae, Justin Calvert and Kevin VanOrd

Brendan Sinclair: Starting things off, donny21, he wants a two player version of Final Fantasy 7, where a second player can join the game after the death of...
Tom McShae: Whoa! Spoiler! Here it comes, it's coming guys!
???: Whoa!!!!
Brendan Sinclair: after the death of a main character
Tom McShae: Aeris
???: Oh for heavens sake
Brendan Sinclair: and then the second player can spend all the time chiding the first player for not remembering that Phoenix Down can bring people back from the dead again
Tom McShae: Would it be like Ocarina, where it's like "Hey!" "Listen!" "Hey!" "Listen!" "Phoenix Down!"
Brendan Sinclair: Mark Craven from Wales, he wants two player SimEarth... i don't...
Kevin VanOrd(?): I'm seeing evil and i'm seeing good...
Tom McShae: Wait, who's the guy, who's the alien in the middle of the earth who controls earth with like twenty hands?
???: I think that's Satan
Tom McShae: No, there's some, it might be an Egyptian god, that's in the middle, cause that would be the second player
Brendan Sinclair: In Mark's version of the game, the second player acts as a monotheist deity who aimlessly creates random animals and haphazardly tosses them around the globe. While player two is doing that, player one must quickly evolve the drop zones to accommodate the incoming residents. But player one needn't worry that much, because player two only has a seven day window of opportunity to create his world, and of those one day is set aside for overseeing his creation and feeling smug. After the seven day creation period is lapsed, player one has until the end of time to rectify player two's carnage, as he will have disappeared, never to be seen again.
???: Wow
???: I'd play it
Tom McShae: Yeah, I actually would
Brendan Sinclair: I do like the idea of a two player game, where in the first like five minutes of play one player has totally screwed over the other, and then just, he's done. Go off, get a coffee or something. Talk to him in an hour and find out how that went.
???: Sacrelige on the HotSpot this week
Tom McShae(?): Play Lemmings Super Nintendo.
Brendan Sinclair: Yeah, these are the points of view of the listeners, not us. We are not endorsing them in any way shape or form.
Tom McShae: Some of us, some of us endorse them.
???: It'll still show up in next week's "Retractions."
Brendan Sinclair: I love that section. It absolves me of all responsibility.
Brendan Sinclair: Chris Stubbs wrote in, he wants co-op play for Alone in the Dark. "The only reason i choose this game is because of the title. If there's co-op play you're obviously no longer alone. Unless of course they change the name to 'Me and Another Dude in the Dark Together.' But that's an entirely different game altogether."
???: Dirty dirtiness
Brendan Sinclair: Matt McCormic wants a text based vs. mode for Zork.
???: What?
Brendan Sinclair: The second player plays as a Grue. Example, "It is very dark here, someone is likely to be eaten by you." Command line: "Eat player one." "You eat player one. Game over."
Brendan Sinclair: Scorpion13497: Hey You Pikachu for the N64. One player uses the microphone to talk to Pikachu and the other plays as Pikachu. The microphone user has to convince the Pikachu user to do what he wants. Pikachu can move around, pick flowers, and eat food, but he needs the microphone user to feed him food every five minutes, otherwise the game ends. ... and I assume Pikachu dies.
Tom McShae: Yeah, of course
Brendan Sinclair: That's pretty awesome, just maybe there's some real-time starvation mechanic, and eventually you see Pikachu's little Pika-ribs sticking through his Pika-skin.
Tom McShae(?): Oohhhh
Brendan Sinclair: Maybe he gets a distended Pika-belly.
???: Oh geez.
???: And the bloat sets in...
Brendan Sinclair: NinjaTrey writes in, he wants any of the recent Ninja Gaiden games as two player co-op, but with friendly fire turned on basically.
???: That sounds like the opposite of fun.
Brendan Sinclair: PlasmonicSquid wants Minesweeper. Unfortunately Microsoft beat him to it, cause Minesweeper Flags is now on Live Arcade.
Tom McShae: Oh my god, Microsoft stole his awful idea? How does _that_ work?
Tom Magrino: Clearly it wasn't that awful.
Tom McShae: How does it work?
Tom Magrino: I don't know
Tom McShae: I'm asking you Tom Magrino
Tom Magrino: I didn't play it
Tom McShae: You're the Minesweeper nut
Brendan Sinclair: I think you better review it Tom
Tom Magrino: Well when this game came out, we ridiculed it by saying every single person who owns a computer already owns Minesweeper, it's ridiculous to charge $5 for that game
Tom McShae: It's two players though
Tom Magrino: It doesn't matter
Brendan Sinclair: It's four player
Tom McShae: It's called "Flags"??
Brendan Sinclair: Which is twenty bucks I guess, all around.
Brendan Sinclair: LeoKids, he wants one for Shadow of the Colossus. As player two you lumber around a comparatively restricted arena, desperately trying to swat a tiny little flea of death, that wants to do nothing more than stab you in your soft, vulnerable cranium. Despite your colossal size, you'd be utterly defenseless, swatting thin air as your inevitable demise creeps ever closer.
Tom McShae: That's depressing
Brendan Sinclair: Yeah, makes you feel bad about playing Shadow of the Colossus?
???: Suddenly the game's from the Collossus point of view
Brendan Sinclair: Mark Baggit writes in, wants multiplayer in Dead Space. Just zero gravity jump races through hoops.
Brendan Sinclair: That would be pretty sweet.
Brendan Sinclair: Okay, so which one do you guys think should be the winner?
???: SimEarth
???: SimEarth
Tom McShae: SimEarth
???: I'm going up for blasphemy!
Brendan Sinclair: Okay, well I wonder what message that sends to our listeners, but SimEarth and Mark Craven are our winning entry this week.
???: I'm going to church every night this week now.
???: It's okay, jesus will forgive you.
Tom McShae: I'm doing all of them, I'm doing Synagogue, I'm doing all of them.
Brendan Sinclair: Cover all your bases?
Tom McShae: Yes
Brendan Sinclair: Just in case
???: Going to the Mosque, going to the Synagogue...
Tom McShae: Yeah

The setup for the next homework assignment was also amusing ("come up with a GI Joe codename, and/or write us a Public Service Announcement for that new character") but was even more disjointed, so i'm not going to bother with it.
Tags: video games
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