January 5th, 2002


Last Night

I got home at about 3am, and Shawkial's sister (the not really cute one) was asleep on the couch, so i couldn't do an entry last night, however being a silly person, i wrote some notes down before bed, so i'll do some transcribing now.

There were a lot more hot girls at the club than usual this time, not that that makes any big difference it seems. 0% of a group being interested in me is still zero, whether the group is large or small.

I ran into Deirdre's friend and her bf. I should try to get in contact with Deirdre again, it would be nice to go clubbing with her some more. Perhaps i should go by the Dungeon on sunday, perhaps now that she's got a job perhaps she's started going there again.

I saw a cute girl there who kind of reminded me of Morna, and one that really reminded me of Allyn.

I also ran into the cute waitress who always wants to read what my shirts say, this time she wanted to look at the skull on my collar, since my shirt was one i've worn before. I should buy some new shirts so that she'll keep paying attention to me =)

Lots of other cute girls wearing lots of cool and/or pretty and/or sexy clothes. Too bad none of them even noticed my existance.

I wish i could tell what girls thought of me, so i could know which things i do are helpfull and which aren't. Or at least know which girls thought that i was attractive so that i could at least feel comfortable trying to hit on someone.

For all i know there are girls there that would have been interested in me, but were waiting for me to make the first move. God damn fucking patriarchy! Instead of having romantic dreams when i was younger of some girl comng along and sweeping me off my feet i should have been learning how to harass women. Sure a lot of them hate it, but enough of them seem to like it that it almost seems worth it. Look at Bricriu after all.

Of course most of the women there probably wouldn't have measured up to my standards in the social or romantic department, or so i keep trying to convince myself at least.

Of course it's always possible that there was some girl there that would be perfect for me, but she didn't pay any attention to me because i'm not attractive enough or aggressive enough. Then again maybe i wasn't paying any attention to her because she was hidden away in a corner or she had blonde hair or something.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed


Shortly after i got up Morna called and said that she was interested in hanging out.

We met at Islands and had lunch. Morna expressed some of her (well justified) displeasure about recent events, which added to the depression from last night.

We went to the mall after that. As usual being depressed and being in a place where i can buy stuff does not mix well. I bought two DVDs at Babbages, then we went to Victoria Secret so that Morna could shop for some underwear. It was nice that she was willing to do that with me, although a little depressing knowing that Bricriu would be the one to get to see her wearing all the things she bought. We went by Suncoast and i bought the DVD that we were watching at the New Years party.

We were going to head off, but i suggested that we should go by hot topic since i didn't want to stop spending time with her. They had some CDs i wanted to get, but the line was long, so we decided to go to the Wherehouse across the way instead. We looked through the used CD racks and i picked out six CDs, and forced myself not to get another three that looked interesting.

I drove Morna back to her car after that, but we just sat in my car talking for awhile, so we decided to go to Borders to get some coffee. Of course once we got there we ended up looking at books and talking about books and buying books =) I got three new manga and a novel. By the time we were done Morna decided that there wasn't enough time for coffee anymore, so i drove her back to her car again.

I definitely spent more than $150 today, although i think it was less than $200, or at least if it was over that it certainly wasn't by much.

Morna is still beautiful. I _almost_ wish that i could forget that, since nothing more will ever happen between us.
  • Current Mood
    stressed stressed