April 16th, 2001



Just got back from a club. I've been doing a lot of that lately. Not something you'd really expect a shy geeky person to come up with on his own, however some of Morna's friends like to go clubbing, and they keep inviting me to go along.

It's fairly easy for people to get me involved int hings if they actualy express a desire for me to come along, and although I would have been too embaresed to go on my own, spending all night dancing my brains out sounded like a fun idea when they suggested it.

I absolutly can not dance, however as long as I'm with some friends who don't laugh at me, I can just ignore how silly I look and dance anyway.

Along with being decent exercise, this is also a decent way of distracting myself from Morna and Kialyn, and then dancing till I'm so exhausted that I can't think about them anymore.

Of course this also has its own darkside as well, in attemtping to distract myself from the people I love, I instead focus on all the cute girls at the club, none of whom want to have anything to do with me. It can get kind of depressing and frustrating after awhile.

Now that I'm home though, my body feels kind of limp, and my brain is empty, and if I direct my thoughts carefully, they don't impact fully upon the loss of Morna and Kialyn.

"Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupite in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey hey

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me
while you were looking for yourself out there"

Sigh, I wish. Oh wait, not supposed to be thinking about them.

Trying not to be lonely. I went to sleep late sunday morning, and woke up at about 7pm. I'm planing on going to work in a few hours, after trying to relax for a little bit. I'll try to work, and try to not think about the people I've lost.
  • Current Music
    Train: Drops of Jupiter

(no subject)

Well work sucked.

I didn't spend too much time thinking about Kialyn or Morna, but I still wasn't in the best of moods.

By the time I got there, I'd already been awake for more than 12 hours, so I was already starting to feel a little tired.

I then proceded to be entirely unproductive. The initial unhappiness from thinking about Kialyn probably started it, but after that it was a completly self-sufficient cycle.

This really sucks, because I obviously can't go home early. (Unlike programmers at some companies, our "flex hours" aren't very flexible) yet I am stuck at work wasting time getting nothing done, getting further behind schedule so that I'll have to work longer later to make up for it.

I only had a few episodes of "oh my god my life is falling apart," today, probably cause I was so tired. Not sure it was worth the trade-off though, I don't know.

I should get some sleep, but now that I'm at home I'm not feeling as tired, of course.
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    confused confused