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10 June 2011 @ 01:03 pm
I probably don't talk to enough people  
Aside from shelleycat i really don't socialize with that many people.

I talk to coraa, jmpava and neonelephant most days while at work. At home i occasionally chat with jmpava, neonelephant and balivatn. Outside of that there's maybe a half-dozen people that i'll exchange LJ comments with on an irregular basis or IM with every once in awhile. It certainly doesn't help that most people seem to have moved over to Facebook while i haven't really gotten into it.

(Just in case anyone is feeling dissed, note that this isn't cause i don't want to talk to people, it's just a matter of not being very aggressive about such things combined with an attitude of "well if they actually wanted to talk then they'd say something to me." (And yes, i realize the problem inherent in that statement =P))

I don't even hang out with people in person much either. Outside of work we'll get together with some of shelleycat's friends every other week or so for boardgames, but other than that i don't really hang out with anyone on a regular basis anymore =P

So exactly how much less social am i than everyone else?

I don't have any goons who will hunt you down if you answer the poll differently than i expect (well, that's the official line anyways =) but here is what i think i mean by the questions:

Counting just friends, not people you work with (unless they're also friends =) and not any Sos you may have (even though i presume they are also friends =)

Two way communication: Anything that involves back and forth talk in something approximating real time. Talking in person or IMing or chat rooms obviously count. If you exchange multiple emails or tweets a day that certainly seems reasonable. If you're one of those people that fires forum posts or blog comments back and forth all day you can certainly count that if you wish.

Exchange messages: Pretty much everything else. Emails that get responded to less than once a day. Blog comments and forum posts that don't happen in rapid-fire mode. IMs and RL conversations that only happen every once in awhile. Etc.

Daily basis: At least three or four times a week i guess? It doesn't have to be literally every day, or even every week day, but it ought to be pretty frequent.

Regular basis: This is hard to generalize since your opinion probably depends on how much communication you have in general. I can often go a week or two without IMing anyone at all if i'm not feeling especially outgoing and no one pokes at me. Even so if it's someone i talk to less than once a month on average i probably wouldn't include them in this group.

Sporadic basis: Less than regular, but often enough that they wouldn't be totally shocked to hear from you i guess? Personally i wouldn't count people that i only see at specific gatherings once or twice a year and don't really communicate with the rest of the time.

Oh, and personally i'm not double-counting people in the "two way communication" group for the "exchanging messages" group.

Edit: And after thinking about it for a bit i decided not to double or triple-count people for the frequency groups. ie for the "regular basis" group i didn't count people that i talk to on a "daily basis" (as one could probably figure out by looking at the numbers =) Since i didn't clarify it originally i suppose anyone who thinks its important can leave a comment saying which way they went.

Poll #1751033 Socializing with friends

Not counting SO(s), how many friends do you have two way communication with on a daily basis?

0
10(55.6%)
1
2(11.1%)
2-3
3(16.7%)
4-5
2(11.1%)
6-9
0(0.0%)
10-14
1(5.6%)
15-19
0(0.0%)
20-29
0(0.0%)
30-49
0(0.0%)
50+
0(0.0%)

Not counting SO(s), how many friends do you have two way communication with on a regular basis?

0
2(11.1%)
1
1(5.6%)
2-3
4(22.2%)
4-5
3(16.7%)
6-9
2(11.1%)
10-14
4(22.2%)
15-19
2(11.1%)
20-29
0(0.0%)
30-49
0(0.0%)
50+
0(0.0%)

Not counting SO(s), how many friends do you have two way communication with on a sporadic basis?

0
0(0.0%)
1
0(0.0%)
2
1(5.6%)
3-5
1(5.6%)
6-9
5(27.8%)
10-14
4(22.2%)
15-19
0(0.0%)
20-29
3(16.7%)
30-49
1(5.6%)
50+
3(16.7%)

Not counting SO(s), how many friends do you exchange messages with on a daily basis?

0
11(61.1%)
1
1(5.6%)
2-3
2(11.1%)
4-5
2(11.1%)
6-9
1(5.6%)
10-14
0(0.0%)
15-19
1(5.6%)
20-29
0(0.0%)
30-49
0(0.0%)
50+
0(0.0%)

Not counting SO(s), how many friends do you exchange messages with on a regular basis?

0
2(11.1%)
1
1(5.6%)
2-3
2(11.1%)
4-5
4(22.2%)
6-9
2(11.1%)
10-14
4(22.2%)
15-19
2(11.1%)
20-29
1(5.6%)
30-49
0(0.0%)
50+
0(0.0%)

Not counting SO(s), how many friends do you exchange messages with on a sporadic basis?

0
0(0.0%)
1
0(0.0%)
2-3
0(0.0%)
4-5
2(11.1%)
6-9
3(16.7%)
10-14
1(5.6%)
15-19
1(5.6%)
20-29
3(16.7%)
30-49
2(11.1%)
50+
6(33.3%)
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Ambermaggiedacatt on June 10th, 2011 08:07 pm (UTC)
I'm having the same problem. Obviously.
DonAithnendonaithnen on June 10th, 2011 10:01 pm (UTC)
Awwww :( *hugs*

I know! We should get together and have a pity party! We can invite everyone else who sucks at socializing too! It will be a blast! ;)
Ambermaggiedacatt on June 10th, 2011 10:05 pm (UTC)
We can invite them all, and no one will respond to the evite (or FB invitation, or whatever).
受け継がれる意志: enies lobby :{taigrin}:doctorskuld on June 10th, 2011 08:27 pm (UTC)
I should actually make it a point to more actively invite you to stuff that's going on. You're within driving distance of me, and often I hold board game days and whatnot, and the more the merrier. You're in Huntington Beach, right?

Also, do you have a Facebook? I find more often than not that a lot of my party/gathering recruitment takes place via those channels.
Sister Atom Bomb of Courteous Debateakiko on June 10th, 2011 09:51 pm (UTC)
He's on facebook, but he never uses it :P
DonAithnendonaithnen on June 10th, 2011 10:05 pm (UTC)
Well the post wasn't intended as a way to solicit socialization, but the option of more fun stuff to do is always welcome :) Indeed, we are in Huntington Beach.

And yeah, like akiko said, i suck at Facebook =P I'll be happy to give you a link next time i see you on IM though. I may eventually get coerced into using it despite not being very happy with the privacy issues and being continually confused by the interface :)

(And i do get _some_ Facebook notifications in email, though i haven't figured out how that's determined yet either.)
Leora: ouroborosleora on June 10th, 2011 09:18 pm (UTC)
I did very rough approximations for exchange messages, since I have a lot of people I communicate with through LJ and that's all of our contact (either at this point due to distance and health or whatnot or I've never met them), but I didn't want to try to count how many or figure out frequencies for commenting. And then there are issues for, well, what if I read their posts but don't comment and they read mine but don't comment? I could make those numbers much higher or possibly lower, but I went with a rough feel.
DonAithnendonaithnen on June 10th, 2011 10:11 pm (UTC)
Yeah, the farther you get down in the poll the harder it is to categorize, with a slight disjunction between "two way communication" and "exchange messages" (too bad i couldn't have organized it into a two-axis chart. =)

For the last question or two you'd have to be crazy to try and list out everyone you socialize with exactly rather than just generalizing.

Er, *cough* i mean you'd have to be crazy to actually _finish_ listing out everyone you socialize with exactly rather than just generalizing. *casually scribbles out some notes and starts whistling to himself*
Sister Atom Bomb of Courteous Debateakiko on June 10th, 2011 09:54 pm (UTC)
I honestly have no idea how to count it. I follow between 300 and 400 people across both my twitter accounts (good lord), but I only have conversations with 5-10 of them on a regular to daily basis, I'd say, and periodically with anyone who says something I want to comment to. Then there's LJ, which I consider the two-way communication (though it's not real time, I suppose, I just think of it like twitter) and facebook.

I almost never use email for conversations with people.

Revised poll answers to reflect LJ use in "exchange messages."

Edited at 2011-06-10 09:55 pm (UTC)
DonAithnendonaithnen on June 10th, 2011 10:07 pm (UTC)
Well however you want to count it :) How much you feel like you socialize is far more relevant that how someone else would categorize the amount of socialization you do.
Sister Atom Bomb of Courteous Debateakiko on June 10th, 2011 11:08 pm (UTC)
However much I get online doesn't make up for the lack of in-person socializing. Being an unemployed extrovert who is boycotting the one group social she used to go to really sucks.
DonAithnen: blankdonaithnen on June 11th, 2011 01:04 am (UTC)
:( *hugs*

I'd be happy to hang out with you if it were in any way convenient!

(Of course as this post indicates i usually don't actually manage to hang out with the people i'd be happy to hang out with =P)
cwendy41cwendy41 on June 11th, 2011 02:41 am (UTC)
I just responded, but realized that even though I IM my coworkers all day, sometimes it's not about work. But if I didn't work with them, I'd probably not be IMing them. So my count is probably a bit higher depending on how you count it.
Kirinkirinn on June 11th, 2011 03:13 pm (UTC)
This poll is harrrrrd.... [/whine]

Social foo is so hard to categorize. I spend a lot of my net-social time on a forum these days, with probably >100 active users most of whom I recognize by name. Maybe a dozen I know well enough to consider online friends/acquaintances - I guess I dump them into messages/sporadic or regular? Maybe? But it's more about the group than individuals, usually.

Then there's FB and such where I occasionally comment to a wide range of people, but pretty much at random, so that's probably messages/sporadic too except for the people I follow really closely, even if it sometimes leads to near-real-time exchanges.

And of course, none of this touches on how *close* the relationships are. There are people I still consider very good friends who I maybe exchange a number of emails per year you could count on your hand and occasionally run into on social sites but not regularly 'cause they don't use them much.

Okay, thinking too much... *throws down some fairly arbitrary numbers*
Steuardsteuard on June 11th, 2011 03:36 pm (UTC)
I clearly have the same problem too, exacerbated by the small town that I live in (and the somewhat short time that we've lived here, and the slowness with which I tend to make friends). I'm mostly guessing on those numbers, by the way.
Vokzal!vokzal on June 12th, 2011 02:15 am (UTC)
My vote is skewed by not reading carefully when feeling light-headed from lack of food, and from being on an irc channel daily. Does irc really count? Really?
Melissa Bthumbie on June 18th, 2011 02:31 pm (UTC)
I think I call people in spurts then I think that I have been too buggy of other people and get passive. I have had friends in the past (like HS) where I eventually realized I was doing all the work and they didn't care, which has mis-programmed me to feel insecure bugging people who I know do care and were just busy the one time I bugged them. Working on that.

And yeah, once we are actually around this summer we do want to be social. I know this post wasn't soliciting so much as pondering your sociality, but I have been thinking for a long time that we'd have a gathering at our place but haven't been around for long enough with a normal schedule to organize it.

But yeah. We will bug you when we exist again!