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28 June 2012 @ 08:10 am
Relationship thoughts  
So i had a minor epiphany yesterday (which may or may not have been related to finishing John Scalzi's "Redshirts.")

The simplest way to look at what i want from potential relationships right at the moment is to say that nothing has changed. I'm interested in the exact same thing i was interested in six months ago, cute geeky girls who're okay with being the secondary in a poly relationship. As far as the impact it has on any third parties, the fact that my my primary is a dead girl is just a minor, incredibly awkward to explain detail, right? =P

"Before we get involved i just want to make sure you understand my relationship with my primary comes first and i don't want you trying to interfere with that. But don't worry, she won't be taking up too much of my time, because she's dead."

Yes, that should go over well.
 
 
 
Spirit Chrysalisrigel on June 28th, 2012 03:35 pm (UTC)
Uh. You're, among other things, in mourning. At least, AFAIK.

Does that mean you'll be up for having primary relationships again when you're "better"? I can't say. But I think explaining to people that your primary died and, as such, you're not really up for anything that could feel like replacing her role in your life would make sense to me. Saying, "I'm not sure when or if I'll be up for it either, so please don't be actively waiting for that," is also completely fair.
DonAithnendonaithnen on June 28th, 2012 04:24 pm (UTC)
Yeah, i realize mourning is normal, and going on with your life and starting dating again is also normal (for many people anyways.) Probably even getting confused about which state you're in is normal for "normal" people as well. The epiphany was just that although being poly can complicate the situation a bit, poly terminology also provides an easy, albeit morbid way to simplify the equation.
Spirit Chrysalis: LainCurledrigel on June 28th, 2012 04:44 pm (UTC)
Yeah. There is that.

*hug*
受け継がれる意志doctorskuld on June 29th, 2012 01:20 am (UTC)
"But don't worry, she won't be taking up too much of my time, because she's dead."

Maybe not quite put it that way because it makes you sound like a necrophiliac (make it clear to any prospective cute girls you date that you are not keeping your dead girlfriend in your closet), but yeah, that's a great way to couch it. You're just in mourning, there's somebody who's still getting all of your love, and you're not looking for a primary-type relationship.

*hugs*

Edited at 2012-06-29 01:20 am (UTC)
DonAithnendonaithnen on July 4th, 2012 09:05 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Thanks, and yeah, probably not the _exact_ phrasing to get the best response :)